HI cwdobber,
Thanks for providing that information.
Since the printer won't even print the self test, then we will have to troubleshooting the cartridges to see if we can resolve this issue.
Follow the steps in this document to check the vents and clean the contacts on the cartridges.
Please let me know if this resolved the issue or if you need further assistance.
Are you using Genuine HP Cartridges?
Check the date on the cartridges to make sure they are still in warranty. (not old stock)
What are the ink levels showing from the printer display?
Thank You.